Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Guest writer for the weekly update: Cooper's Hawk

So, we still have injured accipiters in house here at the Rocky Mountain Raptor Program.  All accipiters are extremely high-energy, and there's one in particular--a Cooper's Hawk--who's getting on my nerves.  It's like someone gave him a triple shot of espresso and asked him to sit still in a corner.  Forget about it.  So in an effort to keep my manic neighbor calm and quiet for an hour or so while I catch some daytime shuteye, I offered him the job of writing this week's update.  Good night, and good luck!
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It appears that the evil animals that walk upright and poke me with very sharp, tiny, pointy things (the Owl calls these creatures "Humans") all gather together once a week and talk about us Raptors. They call it "Rounds", but I call it "plotting my demise". So they plotted my demise last night, and this is what they said:

First, they talked about the other Cooper's Hawk that was here, the big gorgeous female who could have squashed me like a bug.  So hot.  She came in about one moon before me, after hitting a window in a Human house and shattering it.  She broke her skull, too, but she never let that get her down, and she was always trying to kill the Humans.  She was awesome.  So, she's been missing for two days, right, and I'm thinking the worst has happened, that the Humans plotted her demise, and followed through on it!  And I'm listening in on this meeting of theirs hoping to hear what they did to her, right, so I could be ready to kill the next Human to come near me, but then they said they released her.  In an "area with fewer windows" they said, and then they all laughed.  Huh.  I wasn't expecting that.  What did she do to them to make them let her go?  I hope I figure it out soon so I can get them to release me as well.  My wing is almost completely better, and I was spending all my time flying in tight circle in this little cage they had me in, and almost escaping every time the Humans tried to catch me, and I guess the Humans didn't like that because this morning they moved me to a much larger cage.  Now I can really begin strengthening my wing and preparing for the day I manage to escape.

Anyways, they also talked about a Sharp Shinned Hawk (he hit a window, too, like me and the other Cooper's), and how he's in a really big cage and how he's flying so fast that no one can seem him long enough to judge how his wing is healing.  They all laughed at that, too.  Then they started talking about releasing him! I have to figure this out!

After the Sharpie, they talked about an American Kestrel that's in the small medical room where the Humans use the pointy things.  She was my neighbor until I moved out today. She got here after I did, and she says she was hit by something (like a car) that messed up her head and her balance, and then she was chewed on by a cat for awhile.  She's been having a really rough time standing up and holding her head straight and eating and everything, but yesterday she started eating on her own, and now she can stand sometimes, and she holds her head the right way more often than she holds it the wrong way, so I think she's getting better, too.

Then the Humans talked about the Bald Eagles.  There are four of them, and I can't keep them straight, but I know that there are at least two that are doing well and getting stronger and healthier. I hope they leave soon because their fish stinks and they poop everywhere. Bald eagles are so gross.

There's also a Red-Tailed Hawk that they call the Undead Red-Tail because he's been sick with a mystery illness for two moons now, and he just won't get better, and because he has no blood in his veins, and because he had this weird lesion thingy in his throat for a long time. He's only a kid, but he's really mean and vicious, but he's still a little subdued because he's trying to fight off whatever infection he has, so he hasn't had a chance to unleash his fury. The Humans don't know this, but when he's finally feeling well they'd better watch out!

After that the Humans starting talking about something called "Renaissance Festival" and started walking around in these really weird clothes, and I lost interest and left, so then I went back to my...OOH, QUAIL!!!  KILL IT!!! OH, IT'S ALREADY DEAD...EAT IT!!!
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...Wow, accipiters have short attention spans.  Thanks for reading, I'll be back on board tomorrow! 

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